AC and I went out walking this afternoon and decided to venture across the road to see what was happening on the acreage over there. AC wanted to follow the west boundary line of the property through the bush as far as we could. I wasn’t sure that I wanted to do that, but thought we could at least start and see how far we got. It was almost 4pm and the sun was getting low in the sky when we set off. The snow cover was thin and hard so we weren’t leaving many footprints, and I didn’t like the feeling of getting deeper and deeper into the woods without a clear trail leading us out again. It is one thing to get lost in the woods in a rainstorm on a mild fall afternoon, but it is another thing completely to lose your way when it is –20 outside and evening is fast approaching. I was fearful and wanted to turn around.
I didn’t say anything, but I am sure fear was emanating from me. After searching around for the property line in the dense brush for awhile AC took pity on me and walked towards a clearing in the trees and from there we could see an open field. We walked across it and climbed a hill at the back of the property. Once we got to the top of the hill I knew where I was and could see the roof of the farmhouse through the trees in the distance. I felt so much better when I could see the way home again, and I felt the fear that had shadowed me for most of the walk, lift from me like a mist. Only then could I fully relax and enjoy our walk. I was really struggling up to that point.
I went for the walk in spite of my fear and tried to move through it, but it was there, hovering over me until I came out of the dense bush into the open and could see a familiar landmark. I read somewhere once that courage isn’t the absence of fear, it is feeling the fear and marching into battle anyway. That quote came back to me as we set off on our walk this afternoon. It might have been a simple walk in the woods for anyone else, but to me it was a little battleground with my fears.
As I followed AC through the bush I kept thinking of those little chickadees missing out on the peanut butter because of their fear and I was determined to learn the lesson they were sent to teach me. Fear really does rob us of our joy as we walk through life and I wanted to face mine and stare it down. When I let go of my fear, or it let go of me, the sky seemed lighter, the air clearer and the day warmer even though it was still –20!!
I will continue to do my best to face my fears and march to battle anyway, and I wish you courage for whatever battle you must march into in the coming days. May you find that hill of hope wherever the fight takes you and always be able to find your way safely home again. Tighten your boot straps, put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward.
Courage dear heart.
1 comment:
Hi Cuppa
I have a confession. I didn’t just stop by your blog…I have been an avid reader for a couple of months now. :)
I should apologize for lurking behind the scenes, but I didn’t want to come across as a “blog stalker” seeing that I also read your husbands blog as well. :)
Now that the cats out of the bag, I would love to take this opportunity to tell you that I think you have a wonderful talent for writing. I have had a good laugh reading many of your tales (such as mice in pyjamas, duck taping your pants, and “facing the beast”). And have always enjoyed how you find such words of inspiration or warm greetings whenever you post. One of the posts I can remember that really sticks out in my mind is the story about not trying harder, but trying different!
Hope your staying warm at the farm house on this blustery cold and snowy day.
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