Fire!!

I was reading Karla’s blog the other day, and it reminded me of something that happen to me a couple of years ago, and I thought it was worthy of a blog on this dreary February day.

Anvilcloud (AC) was fighting a terrible cold, but I was still winning the battle and fending off the nasty germs. As we were getting ready for bed that night I jokingly said to him “Please don’t breath on me tonight. Keep your germs on your side of the bed, OK?!!” He looked at me rather forlornly and said he just wished he could breathe period. Cough, hack, gasp! He crawled into bed and I opened the bedroom window to let the fresh air in while we slept.

Soon I was in a deep sleep. I was in that deep state of sleep when something started to tug at me and drag me back to the surface. At first I thought it was the smell of the medicine AC took for his cold, it was awful. Then I was instantly awake and knew exactly what I was smelling - smoke! I glanced over at the bedroom door and saw a red flickering glow out in the hallway. I jumped out of bed and raced out into the hall. Nothing there, but I could smell smoke and see the red flickering glow of flames coming from the kitchen area. Oh no, I must have left the potpourri pot burning on the stove and now the whole kitchen was in flames. The smell was overwhelming and choking me. I raced down to the kitchen, threw open the door and ran into the room. Nothing there! I grabbed the fire extinguisher and headed down to the family room and den. Nothing there either! The smell was thick and noxious, and a flickering red glow was filling the house, but I couldn’t find the fire. Where was the fire? I raced back up to the kitchen and flew towards the front of the house. The smell was stronger and the red glow brighter there. Oh no, the front of the house must be on fire. I threw open the front door and tumbled out onto the front porch. The smell of smoke almost knocked me out and a very bright light blinded me for an instant. I stood there in my rather flimsy nightgown and blinked in disbelief as I saw huge lights aimed at the front of my house, fire trucks on the street, firemen with hoses, neighbours milling around and many sets of eyes turned my way. I stood there in terror, caught like a deer in headlights. I couldn’t compute what I was seeing or smelling or hearing at first. It did eventually sink in that there weren’t any flames at my front door, most of the activity seemed to be around my neighbour’s house, and... my nightgown was almost transparent in the bright lights. Yikes. I quickly ducked back inside the house to grab a coat – and WAKE UP ANVILCLOUD!!!

Can you believe that? I thought the house was on fire, and I left Anvilcloud sleeping soundly in bed!!! He was so stuffed up he didn’t smell a thing, his cold medicine had put him into a deep sleep so he didn’t sense me jumping out of bed, and his good ear was on the pillow, so he didn’t hear me as I ran wildly through the house.

I bolted upstairs yelling all the way for AC to wake up, we both grabbed our coats and went out into the street to see what was going on. I had only been awake for maybe 5-10 minutes at the most, and now I was starting to shake. I still didn’t know where the fire was or what was going on, but at least I knew that it wasn’t my house that was burning- yet! I had time to at least get a coat, grab the cat, and oh yes, wake up my husband. Sheesh! I just couldn’t believe that I had left AC sleeping in the bed.

We went outside to a group of people milling around the front of our house and asked what was going on. We discovered that our next-door neighbour’s car had caught fire and had been in flames in their driveway. A person driving by at 3am had noticed it and called the fire department. By the time they got there, the car was engulfed, and the fire was so hot, the front tires melted. (That is what I had smelled wafting in the open bedroom window that I had so nicely open before bedtime to let in “fresh air.”)

The car was flaming, and the fire department was afraid that the house would go up next, so they had the entire area bathed in light and were getting ready to hose down the houses. They eventually got the fire out and towed the charred car away on a flatbed truck. No damage was done to any of our houses. Thank goodness.

On shaking legs I walked back into our house and was almost in a state of shock. I made a cup of tea and sat shivering at the kitchen table trying to sort out what had just happened. The most frightening part of all, was that I had done everything wrong. Everything! I just couldn’t believe how stupid I had been.

I had studied fire safety tips and gone over them with my kids. We talked about what to do in case of a fire, and how to get out of the house safely. I knew that we were supposed to roll out of bed and stay close to the floor as we tried to leave the house by the safest route and get everyone out. I knew we were supposed to look for smoke and touch doors before opening them. All that stuff! I knew it inside and out, but when it came right down to it, I didn’t do any of it. I jumped out of bed and ran right into the fire – while I left AC asleep in bed I might add! Good grief! I ran right into where I thought the fire was. I smelled the smoke and I saw what I thought was the red glow of the flames and I ran right into it. RIGHT INTO IT! The red glow was just the flashing lights on the fire trucks shining in through the front windows, but the smell of the melting tires and my sleepy state caused me to believed I was seeing flames. And I didn’t wake AC up! I didn’t even shake him or holler. I just left him sleeping and ran into the flames to try to put the fire out. It still makes me shake when I think about it now.

I clutched my cup of tea as I sat at the kitchen table that night and thought about what could have been, and how lucky I was that my family and house were safe and unharmed. I wrapped my fingers around the hot mug and warmed my cold hands on the smooth surface, but the warmth of the cup did little to melt the icy feeling of upset in my heart.

I eventually went back to bed around 4am and amazingly drifted off to sleep. When I got up the next morning I was so thankful for every little corner of my house, and I looked at everything with different eyes. How wonderful it was that I still had my photo albums and journals and other things that might have been lost in a fire. All the trivial things I had worried about yesterday had melted in the heat of the fire, and I didn’t care about the spot on the carpet or the broken latch on the gate anymore. Funny how a near disaster can put things into perspective huh?

Yes, I was very thankful for what didn’t happen, but I was also upset with myself for what did happen. What if it had been a fire in our house? What if I had run into a flaming kitchen? What if I couldn’t get back upstairs to wake AC? What if the last thing I said to him was “don’t breathe on me”? What if…what if…what if??? I was beating myself up and felt awful. I knew better. I knew what to do in case of a fire, but I did everything wrong. EVERYTHING!

Nothing bad happened this time, but it could have, and I felt sick about what I had done and NOT done. It took me awhile to work through those awful feelings. Now, a few years later, we laugh about some of things that happened that night, but at the time I sure didn’t laugh. I must have looked quite the sight though, standing wild-eyed on the front porch in my flimsy nightgown, clutching my fire extinguisher. That is a sight the neighbours won’t soon forget. Groan!

Life throws us curves some days, and even when we think we have all the answers and know just what to do in any situation. We don’t! People make mistakes and do dumb things in the haste of the moment. Believe me, I know about dumb mistakes! People disappoint us, and worse than that, we disappoint ourselves.

The only way to find happiness in this life is to forgive ourselves for the dumb mistakes we make, and forgive others for the same. Move forward in joy, from where we are right here and now. March into the beauty of each new day given us, and keep moving forward not backward. Don’t waste another minute on regrets and what if’s.

We are not the mistakes that we have made. Hold onto that, and believe it. It is true.