Unwelcome visitor

Some people can be so rude and pushy can't they? I have had an unwelcome but well known visitor barge his way into my life this past month or so, and I am having a real struggle with him.

He has knocked at my door and woken me up as early as 4am on a few occasions and makes a terrible racket some nights when I am trying to get to sleep. The nerve of some people! I have told this guy, quite clearly, how much his visits bother me and that I don't want him showing his face around here anymore, but somehow the message isn't getting through to him. Thick, thick head he has. Thank goodness my battle with this guy in the early morning hours or late at night, isn't waking AC up, but I am sure he is wondering what is going on when I roll out of bed at 6am some mornings.

I had a terrible fight with this bloke the day after we put the unconditional offer in on the new house and it was accepted. He woke me up early that day and knocked me right off my feet. I hadn't seen him for awhile and wasn't expecting him to visit me at Butterfly's house, but he barged right in like he owned the place and gave me a run for my money.

He got right in my face and yelled, "What in the world have you done? You just bought a house and you haven't even listed, let alone sold, your old house yet. The old kitchen is still in the middle of renovations so it sure isn't ready to show to any prospective buyers, and won't be anytime soon. The garden is a month overgrown and will take forever to whip into shape. AC can hardly walk so isn't in any condition to garden or even drive home. What in the world have you done? Stop this nonsense right now and run for you life!"

I listened to him rant and rave and he made me feel sick to my stomach. I walked away from him on shaky legs and went over to AC. I cried as I told him all the mean things this guy was saying to me and how frightened I was. AC and I sat and talked for a long time, and he told me we would fight this guy together and put him in his place. That made me feel so much better, but I could still hear faint echoes of the bully's voice ringing in my ear, and it made me shake in my boots on and off during the day. Goodness what a battle I had on my hands. With AC's help, I finally managed to send this guy packing and was glad to see him shuffling off into the distance as we loaded up the car to head for home and all the challenges that awaited us there.

Little did I know that as soon as we drove around the corner, the bully turned around and followed us all the way home. I had a major knock down drag out with him again shortly after we arrived at our doorstep. AC's back was sore and he could hardly move, the gardens were a mess with weeds growing almost as tall as us. The kitchen needed major cleaning and tidying from all the work that had gone on while we were away (new counter tops and sink were installed), the rest of the house had a month's worth of dust all over everything, we were both tired from our trip, and it was hot as blazes.

Needless to say I was not in my best fighting form and this guy took full advantage of that fact. He moved in for the kill and just about got me. I looked around at all the work I had to do to get the house ready to list with the real estate agent and then took a measure of the little bit of energy I had after our long trip, and I just wanted to turn around and run away. I stood in the middle of my plaster-dust-coated kitchen, and wondered where in the world to start. I couldn't just stand there and be run over by this bully, and I couldn't turn and run either, so I picked up a weapon or two, stood my ground and then went on the offensive. I didn't move ahead much, but I did stand my ground and eventually even gained some.

I couldn't look at the whole picture because it overwhelmed me, and this bully knew that and kept throwing it at me. I had to work at it, but I finally managed to take my eyes off of him and the whole task at hand. I narrowed my focus and just looked at what was literally right at my feet. I started where I was and did one small thing at a time. I picked up a rag and some cleaner and started washing the kitchen floor to get rid of the plaster dust there, to stop it from being tracked all through the rest of the house. My weary tears mixed with the plaster dust, but before I went to bed that night, the plaster dust was at least off the kitchen floor. The cupboards would be tackled in the morning.

That is a key isn't it? When your world comes crashing down around you and you are overwhelmed at the size of the pile of rubble strewn in your path, don't just stand there sifting through the rubble aimlessly, feeling afraid or overwhelmed or sorry for yourself. Pick up a brick from the crumbled wall in your life and start building -- one small brick at a time. Move it from where it is to where you want it to be, and eventually you have order and a whole new structure for your life is taking shape. One small step at a time.

I am covered in bruises from encounters with this unwelcome visitor who keeps showing up at my door, but I also have calluses on my hands from picking up and moving the bricks that he has scattered around. I am thrilled at the new wall in my life that is growing taller and more beautiful with each passing day. When I look at it I am filled with new strength to fight this unwelcome visitor called FEAR.

When this bully shows up at your door and tries to paralyse you and keep you from new frontiers in your life. Don't turn and run. Stand your ground and then in the middle of your muddle of doubts and questions and fears, pick up a brick and start building your new life. Oh the joys of facing the bully and getting past him.

The purpose of life, after all, is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.
Eleanor Roosevelt